The Hazelden Blog

By Dr. Mic Hunter, Licensed Psychologist, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and author

Rachel Naomi Remen was right when she wrote in her book Kitchen Table Wisdom about the importance of listening:

“Listening is the oldest and perhaps the most powerful tool of healing. It is often through the quality of our listening and not the wisdom of our words that we are able to effect the most profound changes in the people around us.

“I suspect that the most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. And especially if it’s given from the heart. When people are talking, there’s no need to do anything but receive them. Just take them in. Listen to what they’re saying. Care about it. Most times caring about it is even more important than understanding it.”

Even though listening is one of the best things we can do for our relationships, many people spend more time watching television than talking with their loved ones. Even people who spend time after meetings listening to newcomers and sponsees can suddenly become listening-impaired when they walk into their own house.

There are a number of reasons for this. First, for some people, as soon as a family member says something they assume it is going to eventually lead to talking about the past which will trigger guilt and shame about what they did and didn’t do that caused harm to others. They would just as soon avoid that if possible. Secondly, people have a tendency to bring their relationship dynamics from one relationship into others. For example, a woman approaches her husband and says, “We need to talk.” Instead of saying, “Sure honey, what’s on your mind?” He says, “Now what?” He does this because his brain, like every other person’s brain is a pattern recognition device. The human brain is always looking for patterns because patterns help predict what is about to take place. In this case, when the man’s wife spoke to him his brain was already searching for previous examples of interactions with women in order to predict what might occur. If the man has a history of being in conflicted relationships with women his brain is likely to predict that conflict is about to take place. He then behaves in a way that actually makes conflict likely to occur — a self-fulfilling prophesy. 

What can he do to break this pattern? Listen. Don’t just do something — sit there and listen. 

God/nature gave us two ears and one mouth because we are designed to listen twice as much as we talk.

Farewell J.D. Salinger
Somewhere between my sophomore year of high school and college, I went through a brief but poignant existential stage of life.  Idealistic, naïve, and socially…ahem…challenged (at the time only mind you), I remember my nerdish self sitting around with my nerdish friends discussing the virtues of Salinger stories. Catcher in the Rye, Franny and Zooey and even his book of short stories all illustrated elements of our adolescent experience in a way that we could never quite articulate ourselves. They made so much sense on so many levels. 

When Salinger passed away the other week, I expected to feel some profound loss but surprisingly didn’t. To be fair, Salinger had been a recluse in the public eye. There was no longer a context for his narratives in my life, and hence no longer a vivid memory.  I tried to recall the plot of his books and stories…not much. I rummaged through the home office searching for my copy of Catcher…lost.  (Flashback:  Early in college, I lent my copy of Catcher in the Rye to my best friend at the time, who read it in segments while on the john. He finished in a month and offered it back.  I graciously told him to keep it.)

I went to sleep, disappointed that I couldn’t conjure anything of substance from such important, albeit clichéd, books from my youth. I mulled over this off and on for the next week or so. One day, Salinger’s stories were on my mind as I did my daily clinical work with the young men and women here at Hazelden. As I tuned into their narratives, it all came back. 

I realized that I wasn’t “missing” a factual synopsis of his novels or short stories. In my humble opinion, Salinger’s stories were never really about the plot anyway. I mean, I don’t think there are many people who could give you an accurate chronology of the events in Catcher in the Rye. The plot was never the point. Neither were the thematic elements, or the inherent symbolisms.  

Salinger’s works are relevant because he captures what I see in front of me everyday, the adolescent state of mind. Times change and technology certainly changes, but human nature, I’m not so sure. Salinger got that, and his writings stand as a timeless window into the adolescent psyche.

With the media portraying bleak outlooks in the world around us, the younger generations have a lot to be concerned about. Our youth face challenges today that we could not have even imagined ten years ago (if you could have predicted bullying via facebook, give yourself a hand). 

Parents and clinicians alike constantly ask me difficult questions about their child’s health and addiction. But before we delve into such academic questions, it might be valuable to simply relate to that adolescent’s perceptions of the world. Salinger provides a priceless reference for just that. He doesn’t offer solutions to teenage dilemmas, but sometimes just listening to a sad song remedies the blues. 

Were you a fan of Salinger’s? Are there other authors, books, movies you feel help provide an understanding of the adolescent world and psyche?

by Helen Taws, Hazelden Director of Public Advocacy

On October 3, 2008, after more than a decade of hard work, the Paul Wellstone and Pete Domenici Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act of 2008 was passed by the United States Congress. The purpose of the act was to ensure that the treatment for mental health problems and addiction to alcohol and other drugs would be covered by insurance companies in the same way treatment for other diseases is covered.  In that moment there was much to celebrate.  The bill was enacted into federal law one year later on October 3, 2009.  Since 2008, the energy generated by celebrating the successful passage of the bill has been redirected toward developing a final draft of regulations so the “law” will be implemented according to original intent, and the expectation is that at that time the insurance companies will be accountable if they fail to comply.

YES, there has been progress!  More people are speaking out about their experience with recovery either their own or their involvement as a friend or family member. Many share their stories of success with treatment for addiction to alcohol and other drugs and these are powerful messages that reach legislators at the state and federal levels. Progress is readily visible the increased number of people that do speak out, thus decreased evidence of stigma attached to mental health and addiction and expanding access to treatment services through increased public funding and private health care coverage.

As a result of the new federal law, there could be changes to in insurance plans right now! However, there are exceptions such as companies with 50 or fewer employees are exempt and the law also offers the option to to “opt out” by not mandating coverage for mental health and substance use disorders. The good news is that we have not seen companies flock to this knee jerk reaction and this indicates a greater understanding of the disease and willingness to stay in the game. Until we have regulations for implementation, it will be difficult to hold insurance companies accountable for a law without a regulatory structure by which it can be enforced.

Now is the time to find out how parity will affect your coverage.  Here’s what you can do

1. Call your insurance company and ask if your 2010 plan includes coverage for mental health and substance abuse services.
2. If your plan does cover these services, ask for a printed copy of the information that details your annual and lifetime limits, copayments, coinsurance requirements, deductibles, out-of-pocket expenses, levels of care covered, and coverage limits. Out-of-network does not necessarily mean not covered. Many plans will cover some portion of care and this also could depend upon out-of-pocket expenses. Ask for a printed copy that outlines the coverage for medical and surgical services to see if the coverage is consistent with the coverage for mental health and substance abuse services.
3. If the coverage for mental health and substance abuse services does not seem comparable with the coverage for medical and surgical services, contact your employer’s benefits administrator or HR director and ask about the disparity. One thing to remember is that there are exemptions for companies with 50 or fewer employees so it’s possible that your insurance plan will not be affected.
4. If you or a family member are in need of mental health or substance abuse services and are having trouble determining your level of coverage for treatment, ask the treatment center or medical facility if a case manager or patient advocate is available to help you navigate the process.

Hazelden developed expertise and leadership in the field of addiction through 60 years of experience and continues to demonstrate leadership toward expanding access for treatment of mental illness and addiction through the Center for Public Advocacy. We know that with treatment and management of these progressive illnesses, people can and do live full and productive lives.  If left untreated, the progression of the illness can be fatal.

January 2010